In Health 9B-read, Sex Ed-our teacher, Ms. Smith was teaching us about safe sex.
“Jesus, kids, I’ve said it fifty times and I’ll say it again-never have sex without a condom,” she said. “If you love her, wear a cover. No glove, no love. Etcetera.”
In the back, some kid smirked, tipped his chair back.
“What if it’s too big?” he asked.
Ms. Smith narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“What if my dick’s too big?” he asked, among some tittering. “For a condom?”
Ms. Smith snorted. “There’s one who asks in every class. You really wanna know, Patrick?”
Ms. Smith reached into her desk drawer, and pulled out a condom. “This is a medium,” she said. She pulled it open, and bent over.
“Watch,” she said. And we watched, amazed, as she stretched open the condom and proceeded to pull it over her enormous foot, orthopedic shoe and all.
When she was done, the condom was stretched snugly, but in no danger of snapping, across her foot. She gave it a little wiggle.
“So, kids,” she told us. “If a guy says his dick’s too big for a condom-he’s lying. Get out of there. And if his dick’s bigger than my foot-well, there’s something wrong with him. You probably shouldn’t be going out with him anyway.”
God. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of that class.
By : Caroline Shepphard